Briefly share your experience with intimate partner violence
I was in a violent relationship for almost 5 years. I have two children with my abuser. I was pregnant within three months of being with him, and he hit me for the first time when I was three months pregnant. I left the relationship two or three times. The second time I left, he assaulted my grandmother while he was holding our six-month-old child. The retina in her eye detached from the impact of her head hitting the wall. I got back with him after a couple of months and ended up pregnant with our other child. Strangulation was one of his, “favorite things to do,” I like to say. He strangled me so bad one time that I could not yell or scream for about 4-5 months. My voice has changed, and people have asked me about this. I have been out of the relationship for almost a decade now. He ended up assaulting our first child when at seven years old. He was charged with assault and has not seen my children since then. He then got involved with another partner, who became pregnant with his children. He ended up being sentenced to five years on her charges. His mother ended up taking me to court to try and become a “Person of Sufficient Interest” to my children because she wanted them to have contact with their father who was incarcerated. They did not and do not want any type of relationship with him. Even though I have been out of the relationship for almost a decade, it truly feels like the abuse has not ended. It is continuing through other people within his family.
How do you think someone in this situation can find themselves again?
Counselling has been a really big part of my healing journey. I didn’t start my healing journey until a couple of years ago, after I got a job with Victim Services. That is when I began to recognize fully the things I had gone through and why I had coped afterwards the way that I did. I began meditating, going for walks and bike rides and surrounding myself with people who I felt boosted me up. It’s important to share your story, whenever you are ready. It gives you the feeling that you do have a voice and that you deserve to be heard.
How do you think your experience could help others?
I think my experience could help others because after everything I have gone through, I don’t regret anything. My experience has shaped me into the ambitious, driven and passionate person that I am today. At times I feel sad for myself and my children and the things they have had to experience. But we have become a very tight-knit family and by allowing myself to be open and honest with them, they feel that they can do the same with me. It’s okay to feel sad and angry and frustrated. It’s what you do with those feelings that makes all the difference.
Other comments
Thank you for the opportunity in allowing me to share a bit of my story with you!
